If you feel your heart start to thump, or your face start to get hot, take a break. Try to find some alone time where you can calm yourself down. Tough situations are bound to happen. Even if you feel like someone did something that was completely wrong, keep your cool when you have the discussion.
Our natural reaction to accusation is to get defensive… and nothing good comes from that conversation. Instead, state only the facts, use empathy, and reframe the focus to how you can fix it. Is everything okay? Changing the subject tactfully is an art.
This feels like common sense, but the average person uses fillers way more than they think they do. Try recording yourself in a presentation and listen back for how often you say them.
Then moving forward, stay mindful of the fillers and speak more slowly so that you have time to think ahead. But when you have the chance, take even 30 seconds to go over your key points. This can work wonders for your communication skills.
Another one of those tips that seems obvious, but is surprisingly easy to overlook. Why did I say that? If you get a message that upsets you, take a five or ten minute break to cool down before you respond.
What, however, is listening? Listening is not the same as hearing. Learning to listen means not only paying attention to the words being spoken but also how they are being spoken and the non-verbal messages sent with them. It means giving your full attention to the person speaking, and genuinely concentrating on what they are saying—and what they are not saying. Much of any message is communicated non-verbally.
It is therefore important to consider and understand non-verbal communication—particularly when it is absent or reduced, such as when you are communicating in writing or by telephone. Non-verbal communication is often thought of as body language , but it actually covers far more.
It includes, for example, tone and pitch of the voice, body movement, eye contact, posture, facial expression, and even physiological changes such as sweating. You can therefore understand other people better by paying close attention to their non-verbal communication.
You can also ensure that your message is conveyed more clearly by ensuring that your words and body language are consistent. At work it is easy to fall into the trap of thinking that everything should be logical, and that emotion has no place. However, we are human and therefore messy and emotional. None of us can leave our emotions at home—and nor should we try to do so.
However, an awareness of emotions, both positive and negative, can definitely improve communication. Emotional intelligence covers a wide range of skills, usually divided into personal skills and social skills.
The personal skills include self-awareness, self-regulation and motivation. The social skills include empathy and social skills. Each one of these is broken down into more skills.
Self-awareness consists of emotional awareness, accurate self-assessment and self-confidence. It includes understanding others, developing them, having a service orientation, valuing and leveraging diversity, and political awareness. Fundamentally, the principle behind the different skills that make up emotional intelligence is that you have to be aware of and understand your own emotions, and be able to master them, in order to understand and work well with others.
The fourth area where many people struggle is questioning. It is also a very good way of obtaining more information about a particular topic, or simply starting a conversation and keeping it going.
Those with good questioning skills are often also seen as very good listeners, because they tend to spend far more time drawing information out from others than broadcasting their own opinions. Develop your interpersonal skills with our series of eBooks. Learn about and improve your communication skills, tackle conflict resolution, mediate in difficult situations, and develop your emotional intelligence. These four key areas of communication all share one common characteristic: they are all or mostly about receiving messages.
For example:. Do not simply say the first thing that comes into your head. Instead take a moment and pay close attention to what you say and how you say it. Consider how your message might be received by the other person, and tailor your communication to fit. By communicating clearly, you can help avoid misunderstandings and potential conflict with others. Ask questions and invite opinions. Solicit their feedback.
Take time to respond. Make sure you are understood. Instead, look for ways to clarify or rephrase what you are trying to say so it can be understood. Develop your listening skills, too.
The best communicators are almost always the best listeners. Then, respond, not react. Body language is important. Watch for visual signs that your listener understands, agrees or disagrees with your message.
And be aware that your body is sending signals, too. Maintain eye contact.
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