I got nothing from my ex and I thought I deserved more at least a closure. But no, that closure came from me. I came to the conclusion why would I want closure from someone as deceitful as my ex.
All my ex is going to do is feed me a bunch of lies. Getting closure from a dishonest, disloyal person is like getting closure from a roach. I feel a lot stronger and a lot more at peace. My ex is not worth missing, but yet I still do and its like I just want to stop. In due time…in due time…. You should never have to seek out an apology. Stay on the white horse and be that awesome, classy woman you are. I just wanted to say thank you Natasha. Your posts have helped me tremendously over the past 6 months dealing with a break-up from an emotionally unavailable person.
After no contact for months, my ex got my hopes up by making contact every once in a while, telling me that he missed me, wanted to be a part of my life, not to give up on him, etc….
This post really resonated with me, because the biggest part of my struggle with moving on is that I want to understand all the whys that never got explained. Why is he emotionally unavailable?
Is it because he is physically incapable? Or is he just choosing too be? Does he even care???? Your posts have helped understand some of the whys, but this post has made me realize that none of them matter.
Because at the end of the day — he chose to treat me with a lack of respect, affection, kindness and love, and made me feel guilty and crazy for feeling hurt. I deserve so much more than that. Who cares. End of story. You go girl! So proud of and happy for you. Thank you for being a part of this tribe, for motivating me and for allowing me to see that I was never and am never alone in my feelings, emotions and experiences. All my love to you soul sister.
Giving you a giant hug! I am so glad I found you. I was pursued by my ex in May of on social media. I was taking me time after an 11 break up. We just chatted for a few months because he said he was just recently separated and that is just a red flag for me.. So, we were just good friends. His wife and their 12 year old daughter moved out of the house and he was in the process of selling the home.
We got closer but never intimate. Our souls connected and he said he loved but I still wanted to wait a year until the divorce was final. Well, after confessing our love in September , we talked about our future. We were extremely close so I thought. Well, he got really sick due to some stomach issues and he had minor surgery.
While he was recovering, I took him groceries and his medicine, just kind of looked after him for a couple of weeks. Well, his house finally sold in December and he was going to move in and he just disappeared he ghosted me for a month. I believe in the No Contact rule so, I was never going to contact him. He had a gambling problem for the past 25 years playing black jack that he told me about He apologized, said everything was moving so fast and that he missed seeing his daughter every night.
He is a mans man but he does have an old fashioned side. So, he moved in February, well, that lasted a month. I came home after work and his stuff was gone. No Contact again, 2nd time. Again, he contacted me a week later this time, said the same thing, he is not good enough for me that I have everything together. His was not happy with his current position. His work life has not been the same since his company downsized in When he was with his ex, they never saved anything.
All she did was spend, spend ,spend and never helped with their home. I have a great career and I can spend and save.. Yay to me for being self reliant. Well, he came home again. Fast forward and why I always took him back he left I think about 5 or 6 times throughout I just chalked it up to everything he was going thru and I was not going to nag him.
Here is where I am shocked. After all of this in the past year, we decided we were going to move closer to our jobs so, we both moved in with family to pay off all of our credit card debt so we could start our future in the summer of , look for a house. I put all of my furniture in storage. Well on January 29 he disappeared again, it has 17 days of No Contact.
I will not contact him and I believe this is it. His divorce was in the final stages of being finalized and I am thinking he went back to his wife and daughter. I am just shocked at how much of a coward this man is to not tell me to my face after this rollercoaster ride that in the beginning I did not want to get on. I knew back when we first started talking in that I should have said contact me after your divorced and are emotionally available.
Now, I am left to pick up the pieces and he is gone almost 3 weeks of No Contact. I am a very strong woman but geez, this has done it foe me. The feeling of being deserted is awful. We need to process those feelings in order to move forward in a healthy way. Our brains need resolution. We need to puzzle through the many things that happened in a relationship and how it ended up in a breakup.
But working through your thoughts and feelings allows you to come to a satisfying-enough conclusion. That is closure.
Staying friends with someone you loved sounds like a wonderful idea. Can you be friends with this person someday? In other words, both of you need to get closure first. Closure happens on your own. It happens by processing your feelings through journaling, talking with people who love you, or working with a therapist. Or occasionally in a very structured conversation with your ex, usually mediated through a therapist.
Immediately, the questions and confusion and feelings begin to swirl. This all interrupts the process of getting closure. Therefore, if you want to know how to get closure after a breakup, the number one thing that you can do right now is block all contact with your ex. Put yourself on a social media break for awhile if you have to. Brainstorm a list of things to do instead. Then when the urge strikes, turn to your list.
Anger, sadness, frustration, overwhelm, loneliness, restlessness, and fear are just a few of the things that might come up. And you might be surprised to discover that you have some forgiveness work to do. Yes, you might need to forgive your ex for some things. But closure also means forgiving yourself. You are exactly right the way that you are for the stage that you are in your life. So, acknowledge where you might have done better then let it go. Forgive yourself. Sometimes people feel silly about having trouble after a breakup.
Of course, going to therapy , talking to friends, and writing are all positive ways to begin moving on. Apologize, rant, explain in detail all the ways they hurt you. Finally, Falk suggests making the conscious decision to release this person — and all concerns related to the breakup — from your life.
With time, your ex will become a part of your past. Marianna Strongin, Psy. Jonathan Bennett, certified counselor and relationship expert. Lori Beth Bisbey , clinical psychologist and sex and intimacy coach. This article was originally published on Feb. By Carolyn Steber. Updated: June 1, Originally Published: Feb. Start Simple When first reaching out to an ex , Bennett suggests easing in with everyday chit-chat. Be As Formal As Possible The best way to get closure is by having a controlled conversation, instead of one that gets heated.
Be Honest If you just want to share a few closing thoughts, you might be able to stop right here. Prepare Yourself For The Worst If you open up the communication waves with your ex, and they don't respond in a positive way or at all , know that their behavior isn't a reflection of you or your relationship.
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